I have been thinking of advice I would love to give teenagers about to branch out into the world.
I realized I would want to relate my thoughts to something teenagers could respond to well. There are few things more dear to a teenager than their first car. In fact, fifty years later, I still remember my first car, a Volkswagon Hatchback. I loved that car.
With the car in mind, here are my thoughts:
1. At some point, you have to put gas in the car.
You have to keep putting into relationships, even familial ones, to keep the relationship. People naturally gravitate toward those who willingly invest in their friendship. It doesn't have to be anything grand; just a conversation or sharing a meal can help a relationship go far. Without input and action from both parties, a relationship will not last.
2. Washing the car isn't enough maintenance; you must take care of the inside parts as well.
Superficial things will not foster a long-lasting relationship. There must be a true connection, sharing of thoughts, hopes, dreams, and even just day-to-day things to keep a relationship alive. Knowing you thought enough to touch base with that person on a regular basis will go far in keeping the relationship alive. In addition, there has to be a mutual acceptance of the expression of thoughts and ideas. Even if you don't agree on everything, you can agree on the things you can.
3. If you don't put it in gear, you won't go.
Relationships do not run on autopilot. You must consciously engage the other person. This is not done by emojis and trite phrases. This is done by actively seeking out the other person for the sake of knowing them better. Even someone you have known all your life, such as a family member, will have different thoughts, desires, and interests over time. You want to know who they are today, not years ago. One of my great regrets in life was not asking my older family members about their lives before me. I wish I knew more about what they did, why they made the choices they did, what they found to be difficult, and how they overcame it. Now it is too late.
4. Each car needs the proper maintenance for that particular car.
No relationship is the same as any other in your life. Each is as different as the cars on the road. What one relationship needs to thrive may be completely different from what another one needs. Just as people are different, so are relationships. As we seek to know our friends and family better, we will become more aware of what each one needs most in their relationship with us. If our attitude is to give to the relationship rather than to take, the relationship has more of a chance to thrive.
5. You and the car will become a team.
You are the driver; it is the engine. Both of you need to contribute to get to where you are going. If you think of your relationship with your car as a team, you will take better care of your car, and your car will respond appropriately.
Think of your individual relationships as small "teams." You both work together to promote and foster the friendship. You both want the relationship to grow, be stronger, and be better. Recognize the importance of the other person in the relationship as essential, not only to the relationship but to you personally.
6. Having said that, at some point, you will get rid of your current car.
Most people who have lived many decades can look back, often with regret, at relationships that were lost simply because there was no continuing. Sometimes this is because someone moved away, or there was a change of schools, jobs, or location. The commonalities were no longer there, and the relationship was lost.
No relationship is permanent. Friends move or change, and loved ones age and die.
I remember when I graduated from high school, I never imagined I would not see my fellow seniors again. I don't know why it didn't dawn on me that many of the friendships would no longer exist without the confines of school to bring us together. It was the same when I graduated from college.
In the now almost 50 years since I graduated from high school, I have seen only two of the people with whom I graduated. At that was only a few isolated events.
You want to nurture each relationship so that when it is over, you think of it with joy, not regret.
7. Some cars are to get you from point A to point B, and that's it. Some cars are a joy to own and drive.
What you get out of a relationship is in direct proportion to what you put into it.
Some cars are to get you from point A to point B, and that's it. Some cars are a joy. I remember driving that Volkswagon Hatchback up a particular exit off the interstate. Because the engine was in the back, the weight gave a different feel as I sped up on the interstate ramp and I always loved that feeling. I never enjoyed driving another car as much as I loved driving that one.
Some relationships are deeper and more meaningful than others. Some should be more meaningful than they are to you right now. To be truthful, some should not even exist
Some relationships draw you away from what you should be, what you want to be, to something you may likely regret later. Not everyone needs to be drawn in. Listen to the advice of those put in your life to guide you. There is no need to choose heartbreak unnecessarily.
8. May you always have wonderful friends and lasting relationships.
May you always value and cherish your family members. May you develop lasting friendships that you maintain all your life. May you know few disappointments through the relationships in your life. May those you hold close bring you joy.
Drive wisely.
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